If I’m honest I will admit I’m a big avoider. I have been that way as long as I can remember. I think I use avoiding as a defense mechanism. I have trained myself to avoid things because if you ignore them, they can’t hurt you.

The past two weeks have been really rough. Last week I heard some devastating news that left me heartbroken. In fact, I really still can’t wrap my mind around the situation. Following that, I had two friends who suffered losses in their family. If that wasn’t enough, I had one of those weeks where you feel like you just can’t get anything right, and I was convinced that I was doing everything wrong as a Mom. Then, both my kids and I were sick all at the same time.

Last week I also talked to a professional for the first time ever about the abuse I lived, and I felt like I re-lived the whole thing all over again. It brought up memories that I had been doing anything I could do to get rid of. I had to talk about things I had been avoiding because it was too painful to remember. In the last few weeks things have been brought up about my past in different ways, and as usual, I’ve tried to just avoid them altogether. But I’ve been pushed out of my comfort zone and I’ve had to face them…and I’ve cried, and doubted, and have been an emotional mess.


But in my MESS, I TRUST that God knows what he’s doing. As lost as I might seem, I know exactly who I belong to, God never changes. He was, is, and will be. He is sovereign, faithful, and His love SURPASSES my understanding. I can’t understand what is going on, and I have no idea why, but I TRUST my God has a plan for my life and he is teaching me and molding me through these situations and drawing me closer to Him. It might not be the plan I was hoping, it might be much harder, and scarier than I expected, but His ways are better than our ways. There is nothing that surprises God. Nothing that we go through is a surprise to Him. I love that… because that means when I am NOT Prepared, HE ALWAYS IS. He knows that I’m going to need Him before I do, and HE is waiting for me with arms wide open to comfort me.

A few weeks ago I reached out to a few people for prayer because I had been feeling very distant from the Lord. I felt far, far away from Him and I really wasn’t sure why. The VERY NEXT day God showed up in HUGE ways. He reassured me that I could trust him in so many ways; through his perfect word, encouraging words from sweet friends, unexpected texts throughout the day, and people reaching out to me and inspiring me. When all the craziness started again and I started to feel discouraged, I remembered James 1:2-4 which says: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Trials reveal our character. It is in the moments under pressure when we come face to face with ourselves. I think God allows that so we can not only examine ourselves, but also build perseverance. The more trials we face, the stronger we get. No matter how badly we want to give in, or give up, we know God is working in us through the difficult times to make us mature, and complete, and to bring us into the fullness of Christ. To be closer to Him…that is PURE JOY ❤


“Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed. He could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! Others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through—all that bloodshed! So don’t feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children?
My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline,
but don’t be crushed by it either.
It’s the child he loves that he disciplines;
the child he embraces, he also corrects.
God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? …At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.”
– Hebrews 12: 3-11(The Message)


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